who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
