he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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