My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
