It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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