Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
