peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
BRING THE BAGELS
How does one acquire holy water?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
