dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize