Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
