Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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