I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
