Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
