My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
