I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
