He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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