how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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