saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
