I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
