Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
