i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My feet surprised me
Randomize
