Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
