i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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