I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
jump out the window naked night went bad
i out mim tonsoeep
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