So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
