My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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