hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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