K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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