My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
