Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
