What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
