Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
