the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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