Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
