you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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