Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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