I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
