Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
