sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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