ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
