i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
