oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You are a genius and a whore.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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