How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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