Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize