i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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