Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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