Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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