check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
