I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you traded sex for a burrito?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
