I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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