i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
