Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize