how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
