Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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