apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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