I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The best revenge is premature balding
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
