Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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