So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
