Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
