she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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