I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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