I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
