Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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