I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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