Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
