After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drunk is a universal language darling
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
