I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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