It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
