I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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