Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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