I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
