THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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