marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
