I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
