I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
