What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dick very happy bro
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
