Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
