What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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