Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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