She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think i got beer on your cat.
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