You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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