I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
we're so committed to being not committed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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