Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
