wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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